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Ross Young (P3nT4gR4m)'s avatar

There's a moment that I used to call "near death experience" back when I was addicted to adrenaline. When I realised I might have bitten off more than my skill could chew through, that this might be the mistake that killed me.

Needless to say it never did, I'm still here writing this reply but immediately after there's a euphoria that goes beyond run of the mill aliveness. It's mindfulness squared or cubed. Clarity clarified. Knowing that life is more important now because I nearly died.

Chasing those moments was probably just as pathological as running away from them but I have a hard time regretting it. The grass is greener now, tangibly so. The taste of my favourite beer, like nectar on my tongue. Every moment of my life is more savoured.

Some day I won't walk away from whatever dumb shit I got myself into. Death is the entry cost for playing this game. It's the only reason it has value in the first place. Death is my constant companion, a trusted friend and sparring partner and one day he'll beat me fair and square.

I don't grudge him his moment, I've taken so much from him already. Repaying that debt is the least I can do. Til then I intend to get my moneys worth 😁

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Dallin Candland's avatar

This is such a useful paradigm! Gotta get into the ring and enjoy throwing those punches while you can. Going to apply this immediately.

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Maura McInerney-Rowley's avatar

You’re right—chasing the edge can be its own kind of avoidance in a way, but it also cracks you open. I love how you describe death as a sparring partner—not the enemy, but what gives life meaning.

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Dallin Candland's avatar

This was fantastic! I resonate tons with the injunction to yield deeply to the best that life has to offer. We all will experience grief, sorrow, and pain but these are necessary things to truly live a meaningful life. These things more or less force us to find something worth living for.

I'll definitely be coming back to this. I wasn't expecting to read the whole thing but here we are. This was a great read with lots of immediately actionable and digestible things to improve how I think. My grandma passed away in her sleep back in 2018 and back then she was in great health.

It's so vital to live in the present but also know that things (literally) can be wrapped up at any time. So, yes, please enjoy the present before it wraps up - life is too short to not be savored and embraced while it lasts.

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Maura McInerney-Rowley's avatar

Dallin, thank you for reading (the whole thing!). I appreciate your reflections, and I couldn’t agree more: as painful as it is, grief/death can clarify what truly matters.

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tejas's avatar

Nice meditation! To the five steps you outline I'd like to add another, which is writing out a testament even when you are not so old or physically debilitated.

The act of making a will tests you in ways you can't imagine. It exposes a lot about how you deal with money and material things that just take up so much of vital life space. Putting them in order lightens you up and lets you see the impermanence that is the governing principal of life ~

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Maura McInerney-Rowley's avatar

Great addition!

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Alicia Brown's avatar

Wow, this is beautiful. I especially love step #5. So many people chase material things and never pause to think about why. "How would your life be different if you had the thing?" is another way to ask it. "How would you feel?" And then, "is there any way you can feel that way right now?"

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Maura McInerney-Rowley's avatar

Thank you! I love your reframes… they cut right to the heart of it. What we really want is usually already within reach—if we’re brave enough to ask the right questions.

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