Great advice Maura! I love Your frank transparency with doubt about what may or not be helpful. As a hospice chaplain (18 months) I’ve been rightly expected to offer beneficial words to those in the unspeakable pain of fresh grief. And as You’ve written my own doubts and insecurities often leave me only hoping to say anything that is truly helpful. Recently when speaking to a man who’s son had died a few months ago he told me that what he’d actually like is for people to ASK about his son’s life and the memories of his son that he’d like to share. After he did some light complaining about some of the things people had said to him, like those You wrote, I tried to help in that regard to say that most people are just very uncomfortable with his pain and only trying to relieve THEIR own stress in whatever they may say. To vent their own anxiety.
As we ended our phone call I said that the next time we talk I would definitely like to hear some memories and stories that he’d like to share about his son. That call will happen this week.
Thank You, Maura for the important writing You share. The tip about people having their hearing up to the last moment is a very good ! And saying to folks in active dying that “it’s ok to let go now” is a Word that I very often say as perhaps hold their hand and pray silently for their Release.
Thank you for sharing this! Something that comes to mind is that our memories often start to fade before our bodies do, so helping someone keep those stories alive can be helpful. I’m sure he’ll find comfort in sharing them with you.
I recently got into an icky indirect spat with a family member after their loved one passed. It all came down to everyone grieves differently.
Can you talk about grief appears differently in age groups next and or how losses are grieved differently? We talk about how everyone dies but how as a community do we prepare to support ourselves for that?
I’m glad to hear that, but also sorry things got tense with your family. That dynamic is so common and yet so rarely talked about.
I actually want to write a book on this and have been thinking about it for the last decade. Exploring the many forms of grief across ages and types of losses is a huge part of it.
I really hope you do. I love reading your perspective on grief because it’s a learned and seen experience. It never comes off preachy but from someone who has a lot of weight in their words. It’s what this world needs and not as a morbid perspective of when things go bad, but why we should be living now.
So, thank you Maura, for everything you’re sharing. 🖤
Great advice Maura! I love Your frank transparency with doubt about what may or not be helpful. As a hospice chaplain (18 months) I’ve been rightly expected to offer beneficial words to those in the unspeakable pain of fresh grief. And as You’ve written my own doubts and insecurities often leave me only hoping to say anything that is truly helpful. Recently when speaking to a man who’s son had died a few months ago he told me that what he’d actually like is for people to ASK about his son’s life and the memories of his son that he’d like to share. After he did some light complaining about some of the things people had said to him, like those You wrote, I tried to help in that regard to say that most people are just very uncomfortable with his pain and only trying to relieve THEIR own stress in whatever they may say. To vent their own anxiety.
As we ended our phone call I said that the next time we talk I would definitely like to hear some memories and stories that he’d like to share about his son. That call will happen this week.
Thank You, Maura for the important writing You share. The tip about people having their hearing up to the last moment is a very good ! And saying to folks in active dying that “it’s ok to let go now” is a Word that I very often say as perhaps hold their hand and pray silently for their Release.
Blessed from Your words of Wisdom Maura.
Sincerely,
Shane Gabbert
Thank you for sharing this! Something that comes to mind is that our memories often start to fade before our bodies do, so helping someone keep those stories alive can be helpful. I’m sure he’ll find comfort in sharing them with you.
You always know what to post when I need it!
I recently got into an icky indirect spat with a family member after their loved one passed. It all came down to everyone grieves differently.
Can you talk about grief appears differently in age groups next and or how losses are grieved differently? We talk about how everyone dies but how as a community do we prepare to support ourselves for that?
I’m glad to hear that, but also sorry things got tense with your family. That dynamic is so common and yet so rarely talked about.
I actually want to write a book on this and have been thinking about it for the last decade. Exploring the many forms of grief across ages and types of losses is a huge part of it.
I really hope you do. I love reading your perspective on grief because it’s a learned and seen experience. It never comes off preachy but from someone who has a lot of weight in their words. It’s what this world needs and not as a morbid perspective of when things go bad, but why we should be living now.
So, thank you Maura, for everything you’re sharing. 🖤