I want to get through what I think will be a rocky and volatile market and am also concerned about LTC for my spouse and I as we are child-free with no close relatives as well as any major 1x expenses before making decision like this but if the need arose by a family member or close friend, we would help out. We continue to make charitable donations as we always have. We do Monte Carlo scenarios in financial software on how much will be left based on what we currently know and it looks ok but there is much out of our control.
Those are valid concerns, and being child-free and without close family adds its own layer to this. I think it’s wonderful that you’re still finding ways to help when the need arises and to give in ways that align with your values.
This is such an important, complicated and brave subject. Thank you for starting the discussion. In our family we have been lucky enough to have some inherited wealth. While my parents were alive money was given in small amounts for education and for musical instruments. The remainder of what they had to give we received upon their deaths. Because one of the members of our family was not capable of handling her money at all, her share was left in a trust from which she received a monthly allowance. That was hard but even she understood the usefulness of that.
Inherited wealth is a complicated subject to talk about. I've experienced the resentment and the shame so have stayed quiet out of deference, but presented as you do here, it feels empowering and exciting. Yes, education and sharing stories and ideas is a start. So thank you, Maura. I hope you do a follow up on the subjects of the link between money and death.
Thank you for reading and for sharing your experience. Your story is not uncommon. I know other families in similar situations, but it’s so rarely spoken about.
This is just the beginning of this conversation for us. we hope to write more about the link between money and death. If you have any specific questions or angles you’d want us to explore, I’d love to hear them.
Thank you. Knowledge and guidance certainly helps. It is such a personal decision.
Not something my ancestors had the opportunity to consider or deal with.
We determined the greatest “gift” we could offer is a debt free education. We have set up our estate to do just that.
For the past seven years my role has been to shepherd our local community foundation. Most funds held in trust fund scholarships. Seems to be a natural fit for my acumen and beliefs in my waning years.
Unfortunately, because of taxation, stigma, greed, denial, even egos, the subject of death and taxes often goes unexamined by families with potentially large inheritances. It's shameful that so many times we don't due diligence and secure our hard earned money. As "just the in-law", how do I approach this subject with the blood relatives of the one who will soon leave a sizeable estate to her children?
If I understand the situation correctly, it might be worth encouraging your spouse or their siblings to ask their mom directly. And to frame the conversation more broadly about preparedness. Things like her wishes and legacy, or even just making sure everyone knows where important documents are. That’s a conversation that’s relevant regardless of how much money is involved.
Also, sometimes sharing an example of things gone sideways, a news article, a documentary, or even a movie plot can also be a good icebreaker.
Let me know if I interpreted your question wrongly.
You're correct and thank youfor these suggestions. However, there are more issues that make tthe situation even more frustrating that I rather not discuss here. I can email privately if interested.
Great balanced conversation. As you noted so many times, there isn’t some universal answer. A $100k bequest carries the same emotional baggage on both sides as a $100M bequest. The point in all three is talking about it. For Americans money is generally horribly hard to talk about. It is the leading cause of the classic: first generation earns it, second generation supports it and third generation squanders it. Asking parents about financial planning if incoherence happens is prudent but horribly fraught. Even advising clients to think about the consequences of Stroke when they are doing their death planning is much more emotional than even contemplating their own demise
My parents who often had real financial struggles when I was growing up came into an inheritance when the last members of the generation above them passed away. They then chose to give financial gifts to their three adult children and contribute to future education accounts for their grandchildren in the present. They knew firsthand how scary and stressful major financial downturns can be, especially with young kids at home, and wanted us as their adult children to be able to tap the gifts they planned for us if/as the need arose, in a way that would have helped them at our age
I want to get through what I think will be a rocky and volatile market and am also concerned about LTC for my spouse and I as we are child-free with no close relatives as well as any major 1x expenses before making decision like this but if the need arose by a family member or close friend, we would help out. We continue to make charitable donations as we always have. We do Monte Carlo scenarios in financial software on how much will be left based on what we currently know and it looks ok but there is much out of our control.
Those are valid concerns, and being child-free and without close family adds its own layer to this. I think it’s wonderful that you’re still finding ways to help when the need arises and to give in ways that align with your values.
This is such an important, complicated and brave subject. Thank you for starting the discussion. In our family we have been lucky enough to have some inherited wealth. While my parents were alive money was given in small amounts for education and for musical instruments. The remainder of what they had to give we received upon their deaths. Because one of the members of our family was not capable of handling her money at all, her share was left in a trust from which she received a monthly allowance. That was hard but even she understood the usefulness of that.
Inherited wealth is a complicated subject to talk about. I've experienced the resentment and the shame so have stayed quiet out of deference, but presented as you do here, it feels empowering and exciting. Yes, education and sharing stories and ideas is a start. So thank you, Maura. I hope you do a follow up on the subjects of the link between money and death.
Thank you for reading and for sharing your experience. Your story is not uncommon. I know other families in similar situations, but it’s so rarely spoken about.
This is just the beginning of this conversation for us. we hope to write more about the link between money and death. If you have any specific questions or angles you’d want us to explore, I’d love to hear them.
Thank you. Knowledge and guidance certainly helps. It is such a personal decision.
Not something my ancestors had the opportunity to consider or deal with.
We determined the greatest “gift” we could offer is a debt free education. We have set up our estate to do just that.
For the past seven years my role has been to shepherd our local community foundation. Most funds held in trust fund scholarships. Seems to be a natural fit for my acumen and beliefs in my waning years.
Education is a wonderful gift. As you said, knowledge and guidance help!
Unfortunately, because of taxation, stigma, greed, denial, even egos, the subject of death and taxes often goes unexamined by families with potentially large inheritances. It's shameful that so many times we don't due diligence and secure our hard earned money. As "just the in-law", how do I approach this subject with the blood relatives of the one who will soon leave a sizeable estate to her children?
If I understand the situation correctly, it might be worth encouraging your spouse or their siblings to ask their mom directly. And to frame the conversation more broadly about preparedness. Things like her wishes and legacy, or even just making sure everyone knows where important documents are. That’s a conversation that’s relevant regardless of how much money is involved.
Also, sometimes sharing an example of things gone sideways, a news article, a documentary, or even a movie plot can also be a good icebreaker.
Let me know if I interpreted your question wrongly.
You're correct and thank youfor these suggestions. However, there are more issues that make tthe situation even more frustrating that I rather not discuss here. I can email privately if interested.
Great balanced conversation. As you noted so many times, there isn’t some universal answer. A $100k bequest carries the same emotional baggage on both sides as a $100M bequest. The point in all three is talking about it. For Americans money is generally horribly hard to talk about. It is the leading cause of the classic: first generation earns it, second generation supports it and third generation squanders it. Asking parents about financial planning if incoherence happens is prudent but horribly fraught. Even advising clients to think about the consequences of Stroke when they are doing their death planning is much more emotional than even contemplating their own demise
Well said, thank you! So much here to think about.
My parents who often had real financial struggles when I was growing up came into an inheritance when the last members of the generation above them passed away. They then chose to give financial gifts to their three adult children and contribute to future education accounts for their grandchildren in the present. They knew firsthand how scary and stressful major financial downturns can be, especially with young kids at home, and wanted us as their adult children to be able to tap the gifts they planned for us if/as the need arose, in a way that would have helped them at our age
What a wonderful gift! 💝
Great piece. Love the perspectives and the deets. Thank you.
Thanks for reading!
To be fair, the decision can be to leave all money to charity…
Yes, that’s certainly another option! And timing is worth considering there too.
No.