The opposite of loneliness

For February’s Mortal Musings, we’re exploring the very human experience of loneliness, and the longing to truly connect.

Welcome to Mortal Musings—our monthly roundup of what’s sparking inspiration, contemplation, and shifts of perspective in the realm of life, death, and impermanence. We hope you enjoy!

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We’re living in lonely times. Call it a “friendship recession,” call it artificial intimacy, what’s undeniable is that isolation is one of the defining qualities of modern life. Research and polls show that people of all ages and demographics are spending more and more time alone. The U.S. Surgeon General has declared it a public health crisis. Countries like the U.K. and Japan have appointed "ministers of loneliness." Studies warn that loneliness can be as harmful as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. In Japan, some elderly women are committing petty crimes just to find companionship and care in prison.

As humans, we naturally seek out connection and community—and long for it when it’s missing from our lives. In the words of Yale valedictorian Marina Keegan, just weeks before she died in a car crash at the age of 22, “We don’t have a word for the opposite of loneliness, but if we did, I could say that’s what I want in life.”

Of course, being alone is also a part of our basic existential predicament. How can we learn to embrace that reality, while also building a life of meaningful connection? Below, we’ve curated a few musings on this theme—stories, ideas, and provocations to help us sit with the very human experience of loneliness, and the longing for connection.

Marina Keegan

The Opposite of Loneliness

Writer Marina Keegan had an enviable future ahead of her as she was graduating from college: An internship at The New Yorker; a play to be produced at an international film festival; and a remarkable literary talent that had already earned her awards and critical acclaim. Plus a boyfriend, devoted friends, and a loving family. Five days after graduating, she died in a car accident. Her viral final essay for the Yale Daily News, “The Opposite of Loneliness,” is a profound reflection on life, meaning and connection from a young writer who had every opportunity ahead of her.

Dr. Peter McGraw

Celebrating Singlehood

Society often tells us that being single means something is missing—that we should always be searching for "the one" to complete us. Dr. Peter McGraw, author of Solo: Building a Remarkable Life of Your Own, challenges this narrative. In his TED Talk, he explores how singlehood is often misunderstood and why it deserves to be celebrated, not just tolerated. In a recent podcast episode, "Coping with Loneliness," dives deeper into the emotional and cultural forces that shape our experience of solitude. Life is always changing—people come and go, relationships evolve, and even loneliness itself is fleeting. If nothing lasts forever, then isn’t it all the more reason to build a life you love, whether or not you share it with someone else?

Esther Perel

The Other AI: Artificial Intimacy

Leave it to relationship guru and psychotherapist Esther Perel to capture (and give name to) the defining predicament of our technological age: artificial intimacy. In her popular 2023 SXSW talk, Perel asks: what are our algorithms and technological dependence doing to our relationships? As she so poignantly notes, many of us have 1,000+ Instagram followers—but nobody to call to pick up a prescription for us when we’re sick, or feed our cat when we’re going to be home late. It’s worth watching, and taking some time to reflect on how technology is impacting our experience of connection, intimacy and belonging.

Future You

Conversations with a Future You

MIT’s Future You chatbot lets you converse with a version of yourself that doesn’t exist yet. Over 60,000 people have tried it—including me. I’ll admit, entering all the info on the front end felt a bit tedious (I rushed through it), but once I got to the actual conversation, it was worth it. Some find it strangely moving to connect with their “future self.” Others find it unsettling—a reminder that no matter how much technology advances, we are still, ultimately, alone in our own minds. I found it interesting, but not life-changing. Try it for yourself and let me know: Can AI actually ease loneliness, or does it just make us more aware of it?

Nighthawks by Edward Hopper

American Solitude

Few artists captured loneliness quite like Edward Hopper. His paintings—dimly lit diners, lone figures in empty rooms—are haunting yet strangely comforting, perhaps because they remind us that solitude is universal. His subjects, often together yet apart, seem just out of reach, framed by windows, doorways, or the glow of artificial light. Hopper resisted the idea that his work was “about loneliness,” but maybe that’s what makes them so powerful. His paintings don’t just depict isolation—they invite us into it. (Interestingly and probably not coincidentally, he is also one of the most quintessentially American painters.)

Remembering Who We Really Are

What if loneliness is just forgetting? The Egg Theory, based on Andy Weir’s short story The Egg, suggests that every person you meet is just another version of you—living a different life, at a different time. If that’s true, then loneliness is not separation but a kind of amnesia, a forgetting of the connection that has always been there. We have been the lost and the found, the grieving and the consoled, the ones who reach out and the ones who turn away. But if we are all the same soul, then every act of kindness—every moment of recognition—isn’t just for another person. It’s a way of remembering ourselves.

What’s been sparking death contemplation for you this month? We’d love to hear about it—send a link our way, and it just might end up in a future edition. And if this newsletter resonated with you, don’t forget to like, comment, or share it with someone who might appreciate it too.

— Maura & Carolyn