My parents pre-paid for their cremation. Other expenses were minimal because Dad was a veteran and their cremains were laid to rest in a U.S. national cemetery.
That won’t work for me, though, because I travel sometimes as much as 1/4 of the year. I’ve told my spouse and adult daughter that if I die away from home, they should plant me where I fall. (I need to write out instructions more fully.)
I’ve also taken them to the natural burial ground where I’d like my body to go if I die close to home. My next step there is to call their office and find out a) if I could open a file with them without pre-paying and b) what funeral home they work with the most. And then I’ll call the funeral home’s office and see if they would open a file for me. Do you have a sense of whether cemeteries and funeral homes might do that?
Thank you for pointing out the option of a PoD bank account for final expenses. That was new to me! My survivor(s) should need only a death certificate to access that, right?
Back to the natural burial ground: I only know about it because I officiated there at the burial of a dear friend a year ago. She had made no plans or only minimal ones, which caused her survivors — spouse and sister — considerable stress. So many decisions to be made in a short span of time! I’d done a bunch of weddings, but this was my first funeral. If I hadn’t expressed a willingness to conduct it, as an elder in the same spiritual community as my friend, I don’t know who might have stepped into that role. So that’s another thing to think about as you’re planning: Is there someone you trust to give you the send-off that you want, even if you don’t lay out all the details for them? My parents were adamant about having no service of any kind, so for their burial, we gathered a handful of close friends, met at the cemetery, and allowed the flag ceremony to take place, then thanked everyone for coming and adjourned to the nearest BBQ joint. Simple can sometimes be the best.
Thank you for sharing all of this. Your approach is incredibly thoughtful, and I love how intentionally you’re planning. The idea of “plant me where I fall” made me smile (and makes perfect sense, especially given how much you travel). One thing you might consider, though, is how that location might impact the people you love—whether it becomes a meaningful place for them to visit, or a difficult one to reach. For some, traveling a long distance to visit a grave or memorial can be therapeutic and grounding; for others, it can feel frustrating or out of reach. There’s no right answer, just what feels right for you and those closest to you.
On the POD account question: yes, generally, all the named person on the account needs to access those funds is a death certificate and an ID, but definitely confer and confirm with your bank first.
As for opening a file with a cemetery or funeral home, I’m not totally sure, but I don’t see why they wouldn’t be open to taking down your preferences and information. Every establishment is a little different, though, so you’re absolutely doing the right thing by calling and asking directly. If you'd ever like to talk through the options or get a second pair of eyes on anything you're putting together, I'm always happy to support.
This topic has been on my mind for a long time. Your post is filled with respectful and helpful guidance on what could be, an uneasy conversation to be had. Thank you.
Great to see this discussion and valuable information. My mom pre-planned and paid for her funeral, and it was a blessing at a very stressful and chaotic time. She died in April 2020, so her funeral didn’t quite look how she expected it to.
While she was making her plans (a decade before her eventual death), she offered to buy me a plot next to her and my brother. I went along with it, as prevention against possibly ending up in a cardboard box.
But now I find it so comforting to know where my remains will end up. My name is on the tombstone, next to my mom and my brother, and I get a little reminder of my mortality every time I visit them.
Planning/pre-paying for my funeral is on my 2026 to-do list. Look forward to taking care of this little task.
It’s moving to hear how your mom’s planning made such a difference during an already overwhelming time. I hope 2026 brings peace of mind as you check this task off your list❤️
My dad prepaid for his funeral and it was the biggest gift, on many levels, to my brother and me. When he finally died, having this already taken care of allowed us to focus on other aspects and truly be present in the immediate aftermath. I fully recommend any form of pre- planning or -paying in advance (if it's aligned for your family).
I'm 63 years old. My wife and I bought our burial plots about 3 years ago for 800 dollars. I'm also making my own urn for my ashes once I'm cremated. So I guess I'm a little ahead of the game. Another thing I would to help your loved ones out, is to starting getting rid of all the crap you've accumulated over the years. Keep only what you actually need. It's physically and emotionally taxing to deal with all the stuff once someone passes.
We should try to put something aside to pay for our funeral. That is what I am doing. Not doing so would probably place a burden on loved ones. For me, the only consideration would be whether that is through money specifically set aside, or via an insurance policy, which I have arranged. The difference here is one of timing. If the lump sum is already there, you don't have to wait for the insurance payout, which is usually quick.
You're right about timing. Even a short delay can feel like a lot when people are grieving and facing upfront costs. Having funds immediately accessible, whether it's cash or through a dedicated joint account, can be a smart way to complement an insurance plan. Thanks for sharing your perspective!
My parents pre-paid for their cremation. Other expenses were minimal because Dad was a veteran and their cremains were laid to rest in a U.S. national cemetery.
That won’t work for me, though, because I travel sometimes as much as 1/4 of the year. I’ve told my spouse and adult daughter that if I die away from home, they should plant me where I fall. (I need to write out instructions more fully.)
I’ve also taken them to the natural burial ground where I’d like my body to go if I die close to home. My next step there is to call their office and find out a) if I could open a file with them without pre-paying and b) what funeral home they work with the most. And then I’ll call the funeral home’s office and see if they would open a file for me. Do you have a sense of whether cemeteries and funeral homes might do that?
Thank you for pointing out the option of a PoD bank account for final expenses. That was new to me! My survivor(s) should need only a death certificate to access that, right?
Back to the natural burial ground: I only know about it because I officiated there at the burial of a dear friend a year ago. She had made no plans or only minimal ones, which caused her survivors — spouse and sister — considerable stress. So many decisions to be made in a short span of time! I’d done a bunch of weddings, but this was my first funeral. If I hadn’t expressed a willingness to conduct it, as an elder in the same spiritual community as my friend, I don’t know who might have stepped into that role. So that’s another thing to think about as you’re planning: Is there someone you trust to give you the send-off that you want, even if you don’t lay out all the details for them? My parents were adamant about having no service of any kind, so for their burial, we gathered a handful of close friends, met at the cemetery, and allowed the flag ceremony to take place, then thanked everyone for coming and adjourned to the nearest BBQ joint. Simple can sometimes be the best.
Thank you for sharing all of this. Your approach is incredibly thoughtful, and I love how intentionally you’re planning. The idea of “plant me where I fall” made me smile (and makes perfect sense, especially given how much you travel). One thing you might consider, though, is how that location might impact the people you love—whether it becomes a meaningful place for them to visit, or a difficult one to reach. For some, traveling a long distance to visit a grave or memorial can be therapeutic and grounding; for others, it can feel frustrating or out of reach. There’s no right answer, just what feels right for you and those closest to you.
On the POD account question: yes, generally, all the named person on the account needs to access those funds is a death certificate and an ID, but definitely confer and confirm with your bank first.
As for opening a file with a cemetery or funeral home, I’m not totally sure, but I don’t see why they wouldn’t be open to taking down your preferences and information. Every establishment is a little different, though, so you’re absolutely doing the right thing by calling and asking directly. If you'd ever like to talk through the options or get a second pair of eyes on anything you're putting together, I'm always happy to support.
This topic has been on my mind for a long time. Your post is filled with respectful and helpful guidance on what could be, an uneasy conversation to be had. Thank you.
Thank you for reading! I hope it inspired you to do some research and planning.
It really has. I’ve been researching and seriously considering options for a while, Maura. I’ve also signed up to be on the waiting list. Thank you.
Great to see this discussion and valuable information. My mom pre-planned and paid for her funeral, and it was a blessing at a very stressful and chaotic time. She died in April 2020, so her funeral didn’t quite look how she expected it to.
While she was making her plans (a decade before her eventual death), she offered to buy me a plot next to her and my brother. I went along with it, as prevention against possibly ending up in a cardboard box.
But now I find it so comforting to know where my remains will end up. My name is on the tombstone, next to my mom and my brother, and I get a little reminder of my mortality every time I visit them.
Planning/pre-paying for my funeral is on my 2026 to-do list. Look forward to taking care of this little task.
It’s moving to hear how your mom’s planning made such a difference during an already overwhelming time. I hope 2026 brings peace of mind as you check this task off your list❤️
Great discussion and lots of helpful information
Very informative and helpful. Some issues are mentioned that I wasn't aware of. Thank you!
this came out wonderfully; thanks for including me!
Glad you think so, and thanks for contributing!
My dad prepaid for his funeral and it was the biggest gift, on many levels, to my brother and me. When he finally died, having this already taken care of allowed us to focus on other aspects and truly be present in the immediate aftermath. I fully recommend any form of pre- planning or -paying in advance (if it's aligned for your family).
So glad your father was able to provide that for you and your brother 💕 What a gift!
I'm 63 years old. My wife and I bought our burial plots about 3 years ago for 800 dollars. I'm also making my own urn for my ashes once I'm cremated. So I guess I'm a little ahead of the game. Another thing I would to help your loved ones out, is to starting getting rid of all the crap you've accumulated over the years. Keep only what you actually need. It's physically and emotionally taxing to deal with all the stuff once someone passes.
I LOVE that you are making your own urn! What are you making it out of?
And yes, to downsizing!
Making it out of mahogany.
We should try to put something aside to pay for our funeral. That is what I am doing. Not doing so would probably place a burden on loved ones. For me, the only consideration would be whether that is through money specifically set aside, or via an insurance policy, which I have arranged. The difference here is one of timing. If the lump sum is already there, you don't have to wait for the insurance payout, which is usually quick.
You're right about timing. Even a short delay can feel like a lot when people are grieving and facing upfront costs. Having funds immediately accessible, whether it's cash or through a dedicated joint account, can be a smart way to complement an insurance plan. Thanks for sharing your perspective!