3 types of wills you should know about before you die

Death has a way of clarifying what matters—and it’s rarely about your finances or furniture.

Quick note: A last will and testament is a foundational component of estate planning, which is a core component of end-of-life planning. Aspects of estate planning can get super technical, but we’re not going there today. We’re skipping trusts and niche will types (holographic, pour-over, joint, etc.) and focusing on three that matter for most people: financial, health, and ethical.

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Last week, two friends (one in their 40s and one in their 30s) reached out to me for advice on how to discuss and plan for end-of-life care with their aging parents. As a death doula, advising on this topic is part of my job. The brief information I shared with them, which they found helpful, inspired this piece.

So whether you are thinking about preparing for your own mortality, or that of someone you care about, understanding end-of-life planning, and the fact that there are different types of wills, can provide logistical, financial, and emotional wellness for you and your loved ones.

We rarely, and typically only when a crisis occurs, strike up a conversation about death or end-of-life planning. So it’s no surprise that when most people hear the term “will,” they think of a legal document meant for wealthy homeowners or elderly people needing to designate their assets to their loved ones.

While this document—called a financial, inheritance, or last will and testament—is critical for everyone, it’s only one piece of the end-of-life planning puzzle.

What many people don’t often realize is that there are several types of wills. The three we’re discussing today are essential: financial (inheritance), health (living), and love (ethical). Having all three is the best way to protect you—and the people you care about—from chaos and conflict.

One of the cruelest things about death is how often it takes more than one thing from you.

I’ve seen and heard it too many times: a person is dying, then their family is torn apart by fighting, and it’s like another death occurred. They disagree on health, financial, and logistical decisions. They argue about what Mom would’ve wanted, who did or didn’t do enough, who gets what, and who’s in charge. People get iced out, take sides, and stop speaking.

Just like death, everyone thinks they’re immune to this type of conflict and that it only happens to other people, other families, not yours—until it does.

And when it does, it’s heartbreaking to witness (and experience), but the good news is that with a little preparation, it can be prevented (so keep reading!). Because end-of-life planning isn’t just about protecting assets—it’s about coming to terms with your mortality and honoring the emotional wellness of the people who outlive you.

The three types of wills

Below is a brief overview of the three types of wills that you should have. Keep in mind that this is general information meant to help you start the conversation—not legal, medical, or financial advice. Laws vary by state, so consult a licensed professional for advice tailored to your situation.

1) The financial, inheritance, or “last” will
This is the classic will most people think of—the basic “here’s how I want my stuff handled” and the “my house goes to ___” document. A common misconception about this type of will is that we need specific assets or to be in a certain tax bracket to need one, but that’s not true. Anything you own (your clothes, books, furniture, etc.) counts as an asset and is reason enough to put your wishes in writing.

At its core, this document determines who inherits your belongings, who administers your estate, and who would serve as guardian for your children or pets. It may also include funeral or body disposition preferences.

You can create this document by hiring a lawyer (which can be costly) to draft a personalized version, or by using a reputable online service for simple situations for a fraction of the price. Nowadays, you can also find free templates online. But whatever you do, follow your state’s guidance in order for it to be legally binding and to ensure it will hold up in court.

2) The living or health will (a.k.a advance directives)
This is the will that matters when you can’t speak for yourself. It can help prevent a very specific kind of horror: your family fighting over medical decisions at your hospital bedside. Remember the Terri Schiavo case?

A living will is part of the broader category of advance directives, legal documents that outline your healthcare wishes in the event you cannot communicate for yourself. An advance directive usually includes two parts:

• A living will (what life-sustaining treatments you do or don’t want in certain scenarios)

• A medical power of attorney (the person you choose to make decisions if you can’t)

This is a critical document that most people never get around to filling out because they don’t know it exists, or they avoid it. And most advance directives ask you to think through a million “what if” scenarios, which can be very overwhelming. That’s why people often start this type of will but never finish it. But these are vital documents to have, because without clear directions, someone will be forced to guess what you want, and their decision might go against your wishes or start a fight between the people you care about. To prevent overwhelming yourself or your loved one, you should fill these out with your present-day preferences—not for some distant time in the future. Remember, you can always change the details, and it’s helpful to review annually.

By creating a living will, you are saying: this is what I want, and this is who I trust to speak for me. This simple action can spare your people the horrifying trauma of questioning: “Did we let them die?” or “Did we keep them alive too long?” or “Did we do the right thing?”

It’s important to note that even if you have these documents in order, they are not always followed, for various reasons. So, at the end of the day, this document comes down to trust. Ask yourself, who do you trust to make these big decisions for you? And have you talked to them about your wishes?

3) The ethical will
Ethical wills have been around for thousands of years. In Jewish tradition, they’re known as tzava’ot—a values-based counterpart to a “traditional” will or financial will. They are created so someone can pass down guidance, meaning, and moral instruction.

This document is not about money, but it might be the most valuable “will” of all because it’s the part of you that lives on, something that your friends and family can return to after you’re dead. And for many people who receive one (including myself), it’s priceless.

The contents of an ethical will are only limited by your imagination and can come in many forms—a letter, a book, a video, a song, etc. The aim is to reflect on your life experiences and pass on values, lessons learned the hard way, stories, favorite memories, beliefs, wisdom, and hopes, or a message to loved ones. It can serve as a mini memoir—a personal, spiritual, and emotional legacy that allows individuals to share their philosophy of life, express gratitude, or offer apologies to family and friends.

Here’s an example of some prompts within an ethical will:

• My biggest regret is…

• The recipe for a life well lived includes…

• After I die, I hope you remember…

• Here’s what I wish someone had told me sooner…

• This is my philosophy on love (or money, etc.)…

• How to have compassion for someone who has hurt you…
  
  

If you’d like to go deeper on this topic, check out Ethical Wills: Putting Your Values on Paper. (Bonus: it has a section on living wills).

Why you should have all three

Contrary to popular belief, if you do nothing for your end-of-life planning, it doesn’t just magically work out. When you die without a will, your state’s intestacy laws determine who inherits your assets, who has authority to act, how things get distributed, what paperwork is required, and what timelines you’re bound to. And if you become incapacitated without a living will, families can end up in conflict.

While the state’s default decisions sometimes match what you’d want, other times they don’t. And when they don’t, your friends and family aren’t just grieving, they’re navigating probate while raw, sleep-deprived, and emotionally wrecked. That’s when people say things they can’t unsay and do things they can’t undo.

We’re all gonna die—that’s 100% guaranteed. The least we can do is leave instructions, guidance, and support for the people we love—financial, medical, and ethical.

And this is the part I believe in the most: your health and your wisdom are your greatest assets. When my mom died, I cared less about the material things she left behind and more about the love she showed me and the wisdom she left me in the letters she wrote. That was her ethical will—that was the real inheritance.

More importantly—and this applies to all types of wills—make sure multiple people know the document exists so that when you die, they know where to find it and who to contact.

Now what?

Whether you are planning for yourself or helping someone else, it’s important that you take time to reflect on and talk about your mortality—together. One way to do this is to take the Death Archetypes test and discuss your results with parents or other loved ones. If you’re not familiar with it, this is a test I co-created to help start the conversation around death and encourage further contemplation of a topic that can be awkward and scary. It’s a versatile tool that has been used in academic, clinical, and casual settings.

You should also assess your current situation: Are you planning for yourself or someone else? What have you or they already done? What still needs to be done? For example, how many out of the three wills mentioned above have been completed? When were they last updated, and where are the documents? You can also use this article I wrote: 10 questions to answer before you die as a starting point. Even people who thought they “had everything done” have told me there were items on this list they had not thought to include.

This is when it can get overwhelming and where/why most people stop because they can’t get past all the decisions: Where do you start? How do you start? What tools should you use? How much should this cost?

But don’t worry, you don’t have to do everything at once, and there are lots of resources to help, depending on your needs, including the platform we’re building at Hello, Mortal, to help you and the people you love complete end-of-life planning. If you’re ready to take one small step today, join the waitlist to be first in line when we launch.

Don’t leave the people you love to fill in the blanks when you die. Creating an end-of-life plan is not only practical but also a means of demonstrating your love for those you care about—before and after you die—by letting them know what you want and making hard decisions for them.

I’d love to hear from you: of the three types of wills mentioned above, how many have you completed and which ones? If you haven’t done any yet, don’t worry, you’re in good company.

— Maura